The man i am

The man i am

I am not perfect, im not made of stone
I feel pain and i feel heartache
Just like anyone else i look for that one person i can love
My heart has been in the wrong place one too many times.
Just like any other human being i have emotions
I feel pain
I feel loss
I feel hate burning at the pit of my stomach and eating away at my soul
Ive been taught from an early age that men dont cry
Why
Why is it that as a man im supposed to hide my emotions
Not show how i feel
Not show what i cannot form with words

Ive loved
Ive given my heart to another only to find it laying on the ground
Swept under a rug of lies and deceit
Was it love
Maybe it was
It may have actually been love
It is said that love doesnt hurt
I think it does
loving someone opens you up
It makes you vulnerable
And when you are
Thats when it hurts the most
You lay there wondering
Why did this happen to me?
What did i do wrong?
Not realizing that the love is still there.
Respect is what is missing
Loving someone may not necessarily mean marrying them and settling down
It may sometimes mean watching on as the person you love marry someone else and settle down with them.
Loving someone is giving them your all and expecting nothing in return
Love makes you crazy and makes your judgement clouded when it comes to that one particular person

Love weakens and still gives strength
Love makes you cry but puts a smile in your heart
Love hurts but also stops the pain
Love makes you worry it also assures you
Loves makes you tear up every letter and postcard
Love makes you sit on the floor and glue every piece back together
Love leaves you dark but brightens up every part of your life

My lesson in love is that you cant make someone stay with you because you love them. If their heart wants to wander then let them. All you can do is love that person unconditionally and hope for the best.
I gave my heart to someone that i loved and still do. We were mirrors of each other. Maybe thats why it lasted this long. Maybe thats why it ended. Our love was battered and bruised by every friend who had something to say
Had an idea of how we should love
How we should be happy
When we should be public
Who thought we were better off separated
Who thought they were better for either of us
Or maybe someone else was better
Who thought that our love should play by their rules
Ultimately our love was broken by our inability to remain strong and trust in it
to discern the motives of so called friends
To admit our wrongs
Our loves was ours to take care of
But we gave that duty to everyone that had an opinion
An opinion on how my love, her love, our love should function
I love her still. I gave her my heart. No one can ever replace her
Love is knowing when to let go
When to walk away from someone despite all you feel because its whats best for them
Its giving them a chance to be happy even if its with someone else.....................this is the final test of our love. The last will and testament

Cloud Nine CBS

I am not perfect, im not made of stone
I feel pain and i feel heartache
Just like anyone else i look for that one person i can love

The mask

She wears a mask to hide whats really going on. A meeting of lovers then they go their separate ways. He goes back to wondering when would he once again recapture her heart and have her once again in his arms, while she goes back to the man at home. The man that can never love her like he can, never hold her like he can, never hold that place in her heart.

And now he wears a mask, to hide the pain of her leaving once again. On the promise that soon they would meet again. His mask holds back the tears of many sleepless nights wondering when she would be back home.

We all wear masks. What does yours hide

20 tips for a successful marriage/relationship. (Guys take note)

                                                                                     1)Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.

2)PROTECT YOUR OWN HEART. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.

3)FALL IN LOVE OVER and OVER and OVER again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.

4)ALWAYS SEE THE BEST in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.

5)IT’S NOT YOUR JOB TO CHANGE OR FIX HER… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.

6)TAKE FULL ACCOUNTABILITY for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.

7)NEVER BLAME your wife If YOU get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.

Allow your woman to JUST BE. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.

9)BE SILLY… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.

10)FILL HER SOUL EVERYDAY… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.

11)BE PRESENT. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.

12)BE WILLING TO TAKE HER SEXUALLY, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.

13)DON’T BE AN IDIOT…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.

14) GIVE HER SPACE… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)

15) BE VULNERABLE… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.

16)BE FULLY TRANSPARENT. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds… Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.

17) NEVER STOP GROWING TOGETHER… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.

18)DON’T WORRY ABOUT MONEY. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.

19)FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.

20) ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.

In the end MARRIAGE isn’t about Happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come.

Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.

These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late.

If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.

The woman that told him ‘I do’, and trusted her life with him, has been waiting for this man to step up.

If you are reading this and your marriage isn’t what you want it to be, take 100% responsibility for YOUR PART in marriage, regardless of where your spouse is at, and commit to applying these lessons while there is time.

MEN- THIS IS YOUR CHARGE : Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from you.

Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about.                                                                                              

87 Ways to love your wife/girlfriend (i could only fit 87/100)

   1. Communicate with her; never close her out.

    2. Regard her as important.

    3. Do everything you can to understand her feelings.

    4. Be interested in her friends.

    5. Ask her opinion frequently.

    6. Value what she says.

    7. Let her feel your approval and affection.

    8. Protect her on a daily basis.

    9. Be gentle and tender with her.

  10. Develop a sense of humor.

  11. Avoid sudden major changes without discussion and without giving her time to adjust.

  12. Learn to respond openly and verbally when she wants to communicate.

  13. Comfort her when she is down emotionally. For instance put your arms around her and silently hold her for a few seconds without lectures or put-downs.

  14. Be interested in what she feels is important in life.

  15. Correct her gently and tenderly.

  16. Allow her to teach you without putting up your defenses.

  17. Make special time available to her and your children.

  18. Be trustworthy.

  19. Compliment her often.

  20. Be creative when you express your love, either in words or actions.

  21. Have specific family goals for each year.

  22. Let her buy things she considers necessary.

  23. Be forgiving when she offends you.

  24. Show her you need her.

  25. Accept her the way she is; discover her uniqueness as special.

  26. Admit your mistakes; don’t be afraid to be humble.

  27. Lead your family in their spiritual relationship with God.

  28. Allow your wife to fail; discuss what went wrong, after you have
comforted her.

  29. Rub her feet or neck after a hard day.

  30. Take time for the two of you to sit and talk calmly.

  31. Go on romantic outings.

  32. Write her a letter occasionally, telling her how much you love her.

  33. Surprise her with a card or flowers.

  34. Express how much you appreciate her.

  35. Tell her how proud you are of her.

  36. Give advice in loving way when she asks for it.

  37. Defend her to others.

  38. Prefer her over others.

  39. Do not expect her to do activities beyond her emotional or physical capabilities.

  40. Pray for her to enjoy God’s best in life.

  41. Take time to notice what she has done for you and the family.

  42. Brag about her to other people behind her back.

  43. Share your thoughts and feelings with her.

  44. Tell her about your job if she is interested.

  45. Take time to see how she spends her day, at work or at home.

  46. Learn to enjoy what she enjoys.

  47. Take care of the kids before dinner.

  48. Help straighten up the house before mealtime.

  49. Let her take a bubble bath while you do the dishes.

  50. Understand her physical limitations if you have several  children.

  51. Discipline the children in love, not anger.

  52. Help her finish her goals-hobbies or education.

  53. Treat her as if God had stamped on her forehead,

         “Handle With Care.”

  54. Get rid of habits that annoy her.

  55. Be gentle and thoughtful to her relatives.

  56. Do not compare her relatives with yours in a negative way.

  57. Thank her for things she has done without expecting  anything in
return.

  58. Do not expect a band to play whenever you help with the housecleaning..

  59. Make sure she understands everything you are planning to do.

  60. Do little things for her-an unexpected kiss, coffee in bed.

  61. Treat her as an intellectual equal.

  62. Find out how she wants to be treated.

  63. Discover her fears in life.

  64. See what you can do to eliminate her fears.

  65. Discover her sexual needs.

  66. Ask if she wants to discuss how you can meet her sexual needs.

  67. Find out what makes her insecure.

  68. Plan your future together.

  69. Do not quarrel over words, but try to find hidden meanings.

  70. Practice common courtesies like holding the door for her, pouring her coffee.

  71. Ask if you offend her sexually in any way.

  72. Ask if she is jealous of anyone.

  73. See if she is uncomfortable about the way the money is  spent.

  74. Take her on dates now and then.

  75. Hold her hand in public.

  76. Put your arm around her in front of friends.

  77. Tell her you love her-often.

  78. Remember anniversaries, birthdays, and other special occasions.

  79. Learn to enjoy shopping.

  80. Teach her to hunt and fish or whatever you enjoy doing.

  81. Give her a special gift from time to time.

  82. Share the responsibilities around the house.

  83. Do not belittle her feminine characteristics.

  84. Let her express herself freely, without fear of being called stupid
or illogical.

  85. Carefully choose your words, especially when angry.

  86. Do not criticize her in front of others.

  87. Do not let her see you become excited about the physical features of another woman if that bothers her

Getting Over a Breakup

You just got dumped, or maybe you broke up with someone. You just want to curl up and retreat from the world.

It doesn't matter if it was a long-term relationship, a short-lived cyber affair, an unrequited love or a good friends-with-benefits arrangement. If you cared and connected, you feel a deep and painful void where there was once laughter and affection. It's like experiencing a small death.

Grieving over your lost love for a short time is understandable, but if you linger too long in the purgatory of how-it-used-to-be, your friends will eventually get tired of hearing you talk about your ex and advise you to "Get over it."

You agree on some level. You know that you really ought to start getting on with life and move on. Every day starts with that intention. But every night ends with you wanting to call them, check out their Facebook page or look through old photos, just to feel closer to them.

Getting over it. Easy to say. Much harder to do.

And no wonder, because there's a bio-chemical reason behind the desperation and despair.

Researchers who've looked at the brains of the lovelorn say that loss, especially rejection by a romantic partner, lights up areas of the brain that are associated with addiction. This can lead to psychological reactions that cause obsessive preoccupation with your partner, feelings of frenzied desperation, guilt over what you could have done differently and even physical pain. Letting go for good seems unimaginable.

PHYSICAL

1. Meditate, don't medicate. Avoid overusing drugs, alcohol, cigarettes and coffee and resist the urge to stuff down your feelings using chocolate and food. You'll only end up feeling worse about yourself. In times of stress, having a drink or eating a quart of ice cream may be tempting, but doing so will only cause you to spiral down into a depression, lose sleep and gain weight. Instead, take five minutes to sit quietly, meditate, practice yoga or deep breathing.

2. Eat healthfully and regularly. Your body can't function properly without the proper nutrition. Don't skip meals or resort to convenience food. Treat yourself as if you were your own child -- eat wholesome meals that are balanced and freshly made.

3. Get plenty of sleep. There's nothing more replenishing to your body than quality sleep. If you are having trouble going to sleep because of punishing, pain-producing thoughts, try this: Keep a journal by your bed, write down your anxieties and imagine them flowing out of you and onto the paper. Say, "I fully release you and let you go. I give myself permission to peacefully sleep."

4. Exercise your blues away. The absence of pleasure-producing endorphins after a break up can make you feel sluggish and miserable. Exercise increases your endorphins. Join a health club, take the stairs instead of the elevator, walk to work, do some yoga or take a salsa lesson. Make a promise to do something active for 30 minutes a day for 30 days, no excuses.

EMOTIONAL

5. Feel your feelings. Don't ignore or stuff them down. Let the tears flow and express your anger. Ignored emotions will only make you calloused and afraid. One way of unloading your feelings is to write out what might be too difficult to say out loud to others right now. Or better yet, start a dialogue with your broken heart, asking this part of you questions and giving it the solace and attention it needs right now.

6. Surround yourself with smiles and happy vibes. Make time for some feel good activities -- anything from having a cup of tea with a friend to taking the kids to the zoo to playing a round of golf. Be sure to surround yourself with people that will uplift you, not unhappy ones that will just drag you down. Studies have shown that laughter or just smiling has a way of lifting your mood instantly.

MENTAL

7. Stop obsessing. All those obsessive thoughts and instant replays of would of, could of, should of head trips must stop NOW. The best way to do it is to say, "STOP!" If the thoughts won't stop, then say, "NO! STOP NOW!" If they persist, then continue, "ENOUGH! NO MORE! STOP!"

Saying "STOP!" interrupts the obsessive thought process and breaks the cycle of pain. Immediately, redirect your thoughts away to something good that is happening in your life.

8. Take a 60-second vacation. Thinking relaxing thoughts and verbalizing calming statements starts the healing process and helps you lessen anxiety. Take a deep breath and say out loud, "I am calm. I am safe and I can handle this." Anything from smelling a flower to petting an animal can help take you away for even a minute, which starts the process of feeling free.

SPIRITUAL

9. Gratitude is grounding. Have you ever noticed that it's impossible to feel grateful and depressed at the same time? Gratitude can transform pain into love and bring peace to your emotional chaos. Remind yourself of all the things you're grateful for. Better yet, write it down. This strategy works miracles for bringing you out of any gloomy mood.

10. Give to others. Studies show that the happiest people are ones who give the most to others. When you're depressed, anxious or stressed, there is a high degree of focus on the self. Focusing on the needs of others literally helps shift your thinking and your mood from victimhood to empowerment.

When you're feeling down after a breakup, you may feel like you want to avoid the very activities that will actually make you feel better -- exercise, visiting friends, being kind to those in need. As much as you might want to, avoid isolating yourself from others. Ask for help and talk to a friend who you know is a good listener. Be kind and gentle with yourself. Don't think of this as time wasted because you aren't with that special person, but as precious time you need to reinvest in a healthier, more grounded and more spiritually enlightened you.

Ten things your boyfriend is dying to tell you

1. Yes, you've put on a few pounds but thats okay!

Nothing in life stays the same. That includes our bodies. If you noticed the change, he did too. That doesn't mean he has a problem with it. Many of us like when out women add on some ”bonus” weight. We see it as an enhancement to what was already there. So relax. You being comfortable in your own skin will always be the ultimate turn on.

2. Thats not the hairstyle for you.

Whether you wear it short, long, natural or with a little something extra added in there, he definitely takes an interest in your hair. Now, its your hair, do with it as you please. There are times, however, when he would like to have a little input without being the bad guy and simply have the liberty to say, ”babe thats not my favorite style on you!”

3. Go out with your girls please!

Yes, there will be times he's looking forward to your ”girls night out” just as much as you are - but you shouldn't be offended. It isn't that he doesn't want to spend time with you. Your ability to have a social life outside of your time together makes you even more attractive. You'll never be one of the guys, and thats perfectly okay. (He doesn't need another homeboy.) What he needs is for you to be his woman. Thats what gives him balance.

4. ” Actually, No, I don't miss you yet!”

When your asking a man if he misses you and you only just left his house, sometimes he's tempted to tell the truth and say, ”Not really.” Give him a chance to miss you. Let him say it and show it when he's ready and the result week be far more rewarding. At times, a little space will help fuel the passion and keep the fire going.

5. Your friend really aren't that cool!

He is never going to enjoy your friends as much as you do. They're your friends for a reason. While he may genuinely like them, and he should, there will be times where he just wants to bore out and let you hang out with them without him having to sit through all those inside conversing about shoes and work drama and stories he can't keep up with.

6. No I'm not awake!

When you call him just after midnight on a tuesday and ask him if he's asleep, but beurre he can answer you start talking, and talking and talking, he really wants to hang up. In fact, if you were anybody else he would hang up. If its not an emergency, cut him some slack sometimes and let him get his beauty rest too.

7. Thats what your wearing?

You may be the fashionista, but every more and then your man has a critique or two - even if he doesn't voice it at the time. That generic head nod he gives you when you ask if you look good is really his conscious effort not to kill your vibe. Sometimes he just wants to say ”babe, I hate it” without you taking it as an insult or mood killer. Some looks will inevitably appeal to him more than others and you went him to feel comfortable telling the truth about which is which.

8. Can I stay home please?

There will be times when he just rents to stay home. Sitting on the couch with his favorite food and beverage of choice can be heaven on earth for a man. He knows this can't happen all the time. But when the moment is right, it can be just as fun to kick it in the crib and just enjoy each other without the outside noise.

9. Can we go to the gym together?

Please note that I mean no offense here and in going to tread carefully. Yes, there are times when he notices some changes in your figure that could be alleviated by a few good cardio classes. (And he may feel the same about his own right gain.) With that said, he has no right to encourage you to hit the gym if he never goes. If it's something he desires to do together with you, you should at least give it a try - especially if fitness is super important to him. Adding that dynamic to your relationship could make things more exciting.

10. This ain't my momma's cooking!

You know that dish you make him because it's his favorite? Well, it is his favorite, when his mom makes it. It's great that you want to learn how to make that specialty meal just for him and I'm sure he appreciates the gesture. But, as poker players say, ”Sometimes you have to know when to hold em and when to fold em”

How to propose to your girlfriend

Of course it’s nerve-wracking to pop the question, but if you’ve been lying awake thinking about how to do it, it’s probably just a sign that you’re truly ready for that next step! Think of this as an exciting time, one where you and your girlfriend will embark on a journey that will last for the rest of your lives. Don’t worry about your girlfriend judging you—she loves you, after all—and just focus on how to make your marriage proposal as sweet as it can possibly be.


1. Pick the Right Time

First of all, you need to know for certain that you’re at the right point in your relationship to be proposing. A marriage proposal is not a magic salve that will fix any serious disagreements between you and your girlfriend. Don’t pick a time when she is under a lot of stress, or when either of you is going through a serious rough patch in life. You both must be absolutely convinced that you truly want to spend the rest of your lives together.

2. Stay True to Yourself

It seems tempting to try and impress your girlfriend with a flashy proposal, but keep in mind that she loves you for you! Proposing to her in a way that comes from deep within your heart, rather than attempting to dazzle her with a contrived situation, is what will really win her over. You want the proposal to reflect all the things that are real and wonderful about your relationship.

3. Bring the Romance

Although you want your proposal to be genuine, it’s also going to be one of the most romantic things you ever do, so it’s a great idea to play that up. A lot of the traditional techniques are still winners: a romantic restaurant, classical music, getting down on one knee. Other people think it’s more romantic to announce their proposal during a public event like a sports game. Whatever sounds the best to you, be sure to plan ahead so that the moment won’t be interrupted.

4. Consider Her Feelings

Your girlfriend might be quiet and shy, in which case she might be mortified if you proposed to her with a huge song and dance. Similarly, if she doesn’t like sports, proposing during a ball game would reflect more on your interests and not hers. Give a moment of thought to what she would really enjoy the most. If you propose to her when the time is right, it will be far more likely that she’ll cherish the memory forever.

5. Make It Special

If you and your girlfriend share many interests, now is your chance to create a proposal plan that’s tailored to your strengths as a couple. People are getting more and more creative with their proposals these days, and everyone is sure to remember it if you propose to your girlfriend in a quirky way that shows off your individuality. Or, if you think a traditional approach would be more appropriate, you can simply change a few of the details so that it subtly reflects you and your partner’s personalities. Go with what your heart tells you is right, and a proposal really can be that perfect golden moment in both your lives.